My anniversary/Christmas presents from Beau.

BEST. GIFTS. EVAR.

(Tied with my telescope and our night in the field with blankets & kahlua hot chocolate. Also, he BROKE the red mixer he bought me a couple of years ago, so he kinda owed me this one:p)

This year was rough, with my kids not even getting the half of their stuff I ordered from Amazon (STILL WAITING!), and the baby not getting anything except his first book and first shoes from us- all of his stuff ordered from Amazon too.

Ali didn’t get her stuff on time either. Beau’s was easy because it was a gift card and a compass, both bought online and arrived on time.

I didn’t get Christmas cards/candy out in time and felt wonderful and terrible at the same time when I received cards from some of yall. I haven’t forgot though, you ladies (and Paul) WILL get something in the mail from me if it hairlips the friggin’ governor. New Years is a holiday too, right? I will be a better penpal, I just haven’t been a good anything lately. I love yall & I’m sorry. I only soldiered through Cindy’s candy order because I promised her a service. Other than that, I completely dropped the ball. I hope you don’t think I’m a flake. (Jenny & Paul, I’m looking at you, sweet peas.)

I wasn’t able to do Christmas like I usually do, and I’ve been leveled by this fact. I realize I’m more limited than I used to be, but I guess I didn’t know how bad it had gotten until the holidays arrived and I fell flat on my face. Everything has been so chaotic and I know it’s because I’m not on my feet. We’re generally broke, so Christmas is the time of year I try to make up for the rest of the year. Not being good at that anymore either has and is kicking my ass.

Being without family this year, aside from us and the kids, was also painful. It’s not like they were really there for us before, still the door being closed completely is taking some getting used to. But I know that in the future I will have healthier relationships now that I’ve quit allowing the unhealthy ones. There is grief, but there is also self-respect, which is something I haven’t had in years. That can only work out for good in the long run.

BUT, all of my hang-ups and issues aside, I want to say I am grateful for the love and affection shown to me this year. I’m grateful for my loved ones, which also include some of you. I already knew yall were important to me, but after seeing that Mike had passed and the response from so many here, I realize all the more how real these relationships can be.

I told one of you last night that Beau & I are growing our own family and roots with friends. If you’re in need of a family too, our door is open. Narcissists and liars need not apply, but the rest of you crazy bastards come on in.

I love you.

Thank you for being a part of my life.

xoxo- Jen

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